037. New Sue

When Sue's plane crashed somewhere in the Indian Ocean her parents and her boyfriend Clive buried an empty coffin and waited three weeks before ordering a SoCom Clone.

Clive would have had one sooner, it was flu season and he worried Walmart would be out of stock, but on this issue Sue's parent simply wouldn't budge. They'd wait three weeks. Out of respect for Sue. Besides, when John Blue snapped his neck in a skiing accident last fall his parents waited for two weeks. And Sue's parents would not be out-mourned by the Blues.

But Clive's worries were unfounded. The lines were long but Walmart was well-stocked and while Sues parents helped Personality sort through Sue's social networks Clive went to the Modelling desk. It wasn't hard to re-do Sue. Last Christmas, Clive's brother had bought him a new camera so there was plenty of video for the Walmart staff to track and enough audio to make NewSue be pitch perfect.

The pictures he brought for her body template were a little over a year old. He had newer ones, sure, but Sue had gained a few pounds after Mittens 4 died. She'd irrationally cancelled her subscriptions with CopyDog just a month earlier but when Clive had offered to pay for Mittens 5 she'd refused. Instead she spent the better part of April on the sofa binging on ice cream and crying over old videos. He thanked the BuddhaBots that Sue had mourned Mittens 4 in front of the TV instead of the computer. NewSue would have no memory of the dog.

It was Saturday and crowded but within the hour Clive had them back on highway 7 and heading home. NewSue rode shotgun. Mittens 5 yapped in her lap.

But Original Sue wasn't dead. She'd washed up on a beach in Thailand, mildly amnesiac and with life-threatening wounds. But very much alive.

When she recovered and finally returned home, four months later, everyone felt a little awkward. Sue was the original so no one was comfortable admitting that maybe they liked NewSue a little better. She always had a funny video or a kooky news story to share. And SoCom Clones cost a lot of money. So Sue's parents urged her to think positive.

“Didn't you always want a sister, dear?” said her mother.

“I'd be over the moon if I had a clone”, said her father, “finally someone to match me in squash”.

But Sue hated her clone. She was incessantly perky, to the point of bimbo lunacy, and she wouldn't shut up about her food.

"It's just spaghetti and meat balls!", screamed Original Sue in exasperation, "No one cares about your stupid spaghetti and meat balls!"

“Not true”, said Clive and took NewSues hand in his.

“I like her spaghetti and meat balls”.