Professor
McLaw, Space Attorney straightened his tie and stood up to face the
jury.
His client, Mr HappyGoMurderSuit, a hyperdimensional creature of sentient gas, wore the avatar of a leopard seal because Professor McLaw knew that appearance was everything. On his seal head he had a little fez. When the Clerk of the Court read out the indictments ("solar system genocide, kitten consumption, unauthorized military use of scrotum bombs") HappyGoMurderSuit clumsily slid from his chair with a loud thud. His flippers flapped and his huge seal eyes blinked surprised. His fez fell on his nose.
His client, Mr HappyGoMurderSuit, a hyperdimensional creature of sentient gas, wore the avatar of a leopard seal because Professor McLaw knew that appearance was everything. On his seal head he had a little fez. When the Clerk of the Court read out the indictments ("solar system genocide, kitten consumption, unauthorized military use of scrotum bombs") HappyGoMurderSuit clumsily slid from his chair with a loud thud. His flippers flapped and his huge seal eyes blinked surprised. His fez fell on his nose.
The
jury exploded with laughter. They "aaawed".
With a few quick, confident steps Professor McLaw strode to the center of the room. The click of his cowboy boots echoed against the marble walls. He eyed the judge, a pink octopus with a gavel in each hand, and the jury. Quite a diverse crowd, really.
"Your honor, esteemed members of the jury. My client stands charged with horrific crimes. Yes, it's hard to believe that this adorable pinniped could commit any such atrocities. Crimes so abominable one feels filths taint the retina simply by looking at the clerk who read them out loud".
He eyed the clerk. Jonathan. God how he hated that man. Then he turned to once again face the jury.
"But I assure you my client did indeed set in motion events that destroyed an entire solar system".
The room fell silent. Then joined in a collective gasp.
"My client, though fluent in Terran customs, did indeed enjoy his afternoon tea with a side of roasted kittens. And he did explode an unseasonable amount of scrotums".
Mr HappyGoMurderSuit clapped his flippers together and barked.
Professor McLaw continued.
"My client is guilty of all these things. The prosecutor has presented you with evidence that leaves little to the imagination. But it's a limiting thought, and quite sincerely an AFFRONT to the supreme intellect gathered here today. You, my dear jurors, should not constrain your minds or dilute your imagination so by thinking my client anything less than a puppet of powers much larger and malevolent than he".
“Powers that seek to govern us all.
“If it so pleases the court I would like to call my first witness.
With a few quick, confident steps Professor McLaw strode to the center of the room. The click of his cowboy boots echoed against the marble walls. He eyed the judge, a pink octopus with a gavel in each hand, and the jury. Quite a diverse crowd, really.
"Your honor, esteemed members of the jury. My client stands charged with horrific crimes. Yes, it's hard to believe that this adorable pinniped could commit any such atrocities. Crimes so abominable one feels filths taint the retina simply by looking at the clerk who read them out loud".
He eyed the clerk. Jonathan. God how he hated that man. Then he turned to once again face the jury.
"But I assure you my client did indeed set in motion events that destroyed an entire solar system".
The room fell silent. Then joined in a collective gasp.
"My client, though fluent in Terran customs, did indeed enjoy his afternoon tea with a side of roasted kittens. And he did explode an unseasonable amount of scrotums".
Mr HappyGoMurderSuit clapped his flippers together and barked.
Professor McLaw continued.
"My client is guilty of all these things. The prosecutor has presented you with evidence that leaves little to the imagination. But it's a limiting thought, and quite sincerely an AFFRONT to the supreme intellect gathered here today. You, my dear jurors, should not constrain your minds or dilute your imagination so by thinking my client anything less than a puppet of powers much larger and malevolent than he".
“Powers that seek to govern us all.
“If it so pleases the court I would like to call my first witness.
“Please bring to the stand... DESTINY!”
For a beat the courtroom remained in stupefied silence. Then it exploded in confused chatter. Judge Pink Octopus slammed all of his eight gavels but the chaos would not simmer down. After last years scientific breakthrough in fictional dimension travels philosophical law had always been a possibility. But no one had tried it in court. Until now.
In
the mayhem Professor McLaw, Space Attorney, was the only one who
remained still. His chiseled Jaw of Justice clenched in Righteousness
as he pinned the flustered judge with his Gaze of Moral Superiority.
Inside he mused.
His third human ex-wife had only been partly correct. Yes, he was a player. But he always played to win.
Inside he mused.
His third human ex-wife had only been partly correct. Yes, he was a player. But he always played to win.
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