053. Erect

The girl from DHL was pretty in a way that transcended her brown uniform and schoolish cap. Her beauty flustered Joel and made him all too aware of how he probably looked, newly woken, cheeks puffed from sleep and eyes red. He signed for the package, a cardboard box big enough to hold a football but heavy as if the ball was made of ceramics. The awkward digital pen made his signature look like a five year-old had been doodling on the screen.

"Thank you, sir, here's your receipt" The DHL-girl swiftly tore him a slip of paper before jogging back to her van. Joel brought the box inside. It had travelled far and looked the part. Its edges were rugged, worn down and it was covered in stamps, symbols and markings. The writings were in a language Joel didn't speak, he couldn't even identify it, but it was written in red and came with an arrow pointing up so Joel assumed it said "This Way Up". 

Joel's girlfriend was an anthropologist. Hannah roamed the globe and unearthed new civilizations. His friends had all warned him about long distance relationships. They said he'd grow lonely. That the distance would tear them apart and she'd come back a little different each time while he, with roots planted, would stay the same. But Joel would much rather have a little time with Hannah each year then see somebody else every day. And after seven years with Hannah Joels friends had stopped telling him it couldn't work. Sure, Hannah was gone most of the time but they stayed in touch as well they could and she never missed an opportunity to send him something. Whether it was his birthday, one of their anniversaries or, well, Monday.

Today was Valentine's Day.

Joel put the box on the kitchen table and fetched a carpet cutter from his toolbox. He gently cut a rift in the duct tape across the top. Then he cut the sides and the package opened a little. Joel felt his heart quicken. Last month Hannah had sent him a beautiful bronze compass. It was heavy and ancient and he suspected it should probably be in a museum. But now it was in his study. And he marveled at it daily.

Joel rummaged through the plastic padding until he found something egg-shaped and hard. He cleared enough of the padding to find a small iron head.

"oh no", he muttered softly to himself.

He grabbed the head and gently pulled it out of the crate. An naked iron body followed with it. Attached to the iron body was a big erect penis, as long and thick as the statues body minus the head. Joel felt his shoulders drop in disappointment.

"Christ, not another one"

He brought Little Big Penis into the living room and put him on a shelf next to five similar statues. Six tiny men with proportionally enormous hard-ons stood shoulder to shoulder. Five of them grinned madly, obviously hugely satisfied with themselves. Only one of them, a squarely built man carved out of wood, wore a serious, almost solemn face. He rested his head against his mandom, three quarters the size of his body, and looked immensly tired. Joel sympathised with that statue. Out of all of them he looked like he was the only one who understood his situation. Hannah never sent Joel any female statues with huge vaginas and if the statues were gay Joel felt it was a cruel act of God to fit them with members proportionally much larger than their buttocks.

What joy is there in a dick too big for anything but showboating, thought Joel. Without a companion it's just another load to carry.